Category: Society

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We Need To Talk About Andrew Tate

I’ve recently read several articles discussing the uncomfortable issue many elite schools in the United Kingdom have been grappling with of late, that concerning the extent to which teenage boys of privilege seem to be enamored with the likes of Andrew Tate. If you don’t know who he is, you can Google him, but he’s a former kickboxer who found even greater fame with his online porn sites where girls will tell you what you want to hear. He’s made at least enough money that he can buy flashy cars and live the sort of arrested development lifestyle that would appeal to, well, a teenage boy, none of which would be all that concerning, except that he also happens to be a world-class misogynist who regularly spouts nonsense that women are chattel that belong to men and should not work outside the home. He also doesn’t believe in the concept of consent, which is probably why he’s currently in jail in Romania on human trafficking charges.

He’s a delight.

What’s upsetting to the teachers (and presumably the parents) of the privileged teenaged boys who can’t get enough of Andrew Tate is that THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW BETTER because they have been TAUGHT better and their parents have ROLE MODELED them better, and who would ever have thought that this sort of toxic masculinity would even find a foothold in young men who have been counseled all their lives that girls can do anything and no means no?

Well, apparently these boys who have been instructed that they must be properly respectful and not misogynistic (and also not racist, or xenophobic, or homophobic), and also that the White Male Patriarchy has been responsible for some bad shit throughout history, are feeling…sad. Unsure. Powerless.

They don’t know where they fit in.

There is no clear path for them anymore.

They don’t know how to approach a girl they like, or how the physical part of the relationship will or should go.

They worry they will be humiliated by the opposite sex if they “do it wrong.”

They feel the world treats them like second class citizens.

Wow, I thought, as I put the magazine down, wiping tears from my eyes and logging on to my computer looking for the GoFundMe page for these lost youth. This is terrible. Why, it’s almost like they’re experiencing a teeny tiny fraction of what it’s like to be a GIRL, or a PERSON OF COLOR. I was really upset.

In an effort to cheer these poor guys up, the teachers have been hosting special day-long panels where they tell them that it’s okay to feel uncertain, or to have questions about sex, or to wonder about how the world is changing and to feel frustrated about the blame that is being heaped on White Men. They’re trying to help these boys feel more self-esteem, but also reinforcing the concept of respecting all people.

I guess we should all feel sort of bad for all of these Royal-adjacent youth, forced-fed political correctness when all they want is a fast car and a hot girl who thinks they’re the business. I mean, they live in a country that rains all the time, and where I hear the native cuisine is something no one likes to talk about.

For thirty-five seconds, maybe. And then they can go clean up after the Queen’s corgis, or decorate for the coronation of Charles III and his White Leather Toilet Seat, because I am all out of f***s to give for a bunch of spoiled boys who worship at the altar of “no means yes and yes means anal.”

Because however sad these boys may feel about not being able to tease girls about their too-small or too-big boobs, or give the smaller kid a swirly after gym class, or call people “gay,” meaning stupid or dweeby or generally uncool, or use racial epithets without consequence (and I have to admit, those WERE the good old days!) it’s STILL harder to be a woman (and I’m going to just focus on being a woman), and here’s how I know:

-Because there AREN’T places in this world where boys have their genitalia mutilated so they will not feel sexual pleasure, and will therefore not become sexually promiscuous.

-Because domestic violence ISN’T one of the leading causes of death for men.

-Because becoming a parent DOESN’T negatively impact your career when you’re a man.

-Because when money is allocated to study a disease that affects men and women equally, the bulk of the funding ISN’T spent on women.

-Because men DO having 100% control over their reproductive rights.

-Because the vast majority of violent crime against men where a suspect has been identified IS prosecuted and no one ever suggests that the man either “made it up” or “was asking for it.”

And that’s just a few little clues that helped me to understand that it is indeed just a wee bit less optimal to be a woman than it is to be a man.

So, boys, forgive me if I can’t manage to muster much sympathy for you, or your parents, that, bereft of a role model you could identify with – in a world that has produced the likes of Nelson Mandela, Abraham Lincoln…sheesh, even Tom Hanks, for Pete’s sake…you chose a miscreant whose need to troll Nobel nominee Greta Thunberg may have been the reason he got arrested in the first place (immediately prior to his arrest, Tate posted a video taunting Thunberg which showed pizza boxes from a Romanian pizza chain, thus confirming that he was in the country at the time).

The thing is, Tate’s message – that women are second class citizens who belong in the home and shouldn’t be allowed to drive – is one that doesn’t take root in a home where children are taught and shown to honor and respect women; where the equality of women is the reality and the truth of their lives, not just lip service. If you teach a child this lesson just as consistently and thoroughly as you teach him not to touch a hot stove or to wash his hands after using the bathroom, his response to the likes of Andrew Tate and those who idolize him will be something akin to disgust.

Many say that women should be treated equally, but it’s not the truth, in many families, in the workplace, in government, in society. Women are still fighting for equality, and instead of wringing our hands over a bunch of schoolboys abroad, perhaps we should be worrying about the fact that women are still fighting the same battles they’ve been fighting for 50 years, with little sign of improvement.

Except that those earnest (and, likely, poorly paid) teachers who are trying to de-program these little Andrew Tate wannabes know that these children of money and connection will grow up to be the kind of men who make laws and control policy. Certainly, it’s better that such men not harbor opinions such as that women “are given to the man and belong to the man.”

I’m going to be 60 next year. When I graduated from Mount Holyoke, full of feminist awareness that I have carried with me all my life, I never thought we’d still be fighting these battles 40 years later. I certainly never believed that some of the most vocal opponents would be other women.

There is still a lot of work to do. I’ve done my best to raise my girls as feminists, with a husband who is acutely supportive of them as women. We all have a hand in this.

Teach your children well.

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And the Librarians Shall Lead Us

I recently listened to a fabulous (albeit, disturbing) podcast on the most recent, and most virulent form of all of “cancel culture” currently being waged by the conservative wing of the United States of Our Kind of America – Moms for Liberty, book banning, and the whole-sale closure of public lending libraries.

That a group that seeks to define what the entire community may read can, with a straight face, call itself the “Moms for Liberty” begs the question – does this gang of self-righteous women who know better than everyone else (and have zero respect or tolerance for values that don’t line up with their own) actually have a sense of humor?

While it’s discouraging in the extreme to hear that a coalition that represents perhaps 30% of the American public has been surgically successful at removing books like “Gender Queer” and “Not All Boys Are Blue” – perhaps the only texts available to young people questioning their own gender identity – I look back at the arc of American history and the efforts of the haves to oppress the have-nots.

It is undoubtedly true that we still live in a country plagued by systemic racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, misogyny, and xenophobia -we can thank the flatulating water buffalo who likes to call himself 45 that most of the country now mostly understands what those last two words mean. Add to them transphobia, body dysmorphia, gender reassignment surgery, and perhaps we are even richer in our vocabulary.

To be a person of color in America today remains dangerous. To be a woman is to see years of progress tossed into the trash like yesterdays’s lunch.

To be gay is to continue to fear rejection by one’s family and community, be fired from one’s job (even though that’s illegal), and yes, even 25 years after Matthew Shepard was tied to a fence and beaten until he died for the sin of being gay, be killed for it.

To be a member of transgendered community, though…that’s the new precipice. If you really want to show what you’re made of. I currently know 2 whom I count to be adored, adopted sons, and their honesty, courage, and determination to live authentically is of the kind we should be lauding the way we do Ivy League admissions, NCAA championships, and Silicon Valley IPOs.

I’m not going to go long or deep on the bravery it takes to set aside all everyone has ever know about you and say, “that’s not who I am, it’s never who I was,” and know that even the most loving and supportive people in your life may have to take a deep breath and sit with it for a while, not because they don’t love ever particle of your being, but because it just never entered their mind that you weren’t who they thought you were, and that is an adjustment.

Others are far less understanding, kind, supportive, or aware that your decision is not a statement about them, their values, their sexuality, or their god, because it doesn’t, and if they’d met you after, as you are and we’re meant to be, they’d never think twice about who you are.

It’s appalling, and wholly unconscionable, and unconstitutional, and contrary to the principles upon which this country was established by founding fathers who could not have fathomed hypocrisy the size of mega-churches, or the Moms for Liberty who recruit women who have never read the books they believe are intended to indoctrinate the precious children they have no problem exposing to violent and oversexualized media from a very young age (Toddlers and Tiaras, anyone? Seen a pageant where 6 year old girls shake their booties, have you? Watched the kind of videos your kids are playing by the age of 10?)

A thoughtful liabrary in Ferndale, MI got smart and organized with the same Union as the Detroit Free Press, then implemented a book challenge protocol that puts the burden of proof on the challenger – not the library – and requires the challenger to write a three-page report setting forth specific complaints as to why the book is not of value to the collection or the community and requires the challenger to certify that they have actually read the book. The challenger must also include reviews of the book, pro and con, as to why the book does, or does not, deserve a read.

Brilliant, and something librarians in Florida might want to think about adopting, lest that state be slow-walked to the swamp of defiant ignorance into which some seem so determined to lead it.

Right now, the focus is on drag queens and the transgendered, and I will admit, with some degree of embarrassment, that drag queens make me very uncomfortable. I don’t know why, but I do know that it’s NOT because a drag Queen ever followed me into a restroom and tried to assault me, or ever did anything to me, because I’ve never actually met a drag queen in person. Whatever the reason, (1) that’s for ME to work out; and (2) it’s NOT a reason to limit what drag queens can and can’t do as drag queens.

But here’s the good news (though it might not sound so great right now, and it’s spoken by a straight white woman):

The “haves,” however you define them (white, male, straight, Christian, cis) have always tried to keep the “have-nots” down.

Things are not perfect. Problems remain. There is so much work to be done.

But the ”haves” trying to keep the “have nots” down?

It hasn’t worked.

Barack Obama. It took too long. It’s not enough. But it happened.

Four women on the Supreme Court (okay, one’s a bot). It took too long. It’s not enough. But it happened.

25% of the 118th Congress is made up of POC, and 44% is female. 13 members are members of the LGBTQ Community. It took too long. It’s not enough. But it happened.

And so on, and so on, and so on.

In fifty years, “white” will be a minority race in the country. Women will far outnumber men in the C-suite. And it will be Dobbs that gets tossed out like yesterday’s lunch.

It’s coming, because it always does. The human heart is born understanding that it is meant to be just, and fair, and helpful whenever possible. As Rogers and Hammerstein put it so well, “You Have to Be Carefully Taught.”

Given a normal person a neutral situation, and they will act justly. There is still evil and injustice and always will be, but for the last 3,000, we have mostly, eventually, gotten it right.

We just have to do it better, and faster.

So, Moms For Liberty, you can try to take our books. Go ahead. You aren’t going to stop people from reading, or trans people from living their life authentically, or librarians from fighting back, because as between a Mom for Liberty with a printed set of talking points downloaded from the internet and a librarian, I’ll bet on the librarian every time.

When I used to go to church, the service would end with the celebrant saying, “now, go in peace, to love and serve the lord.” I’m pretty sure the lord would consider it a better use of my time to read to my grandchild, walk my dog, visit my mom, work in my garden, put new books in my little free library, take a little snooze, text with Hanna, or snuggle with my kitty, than exert myself trying to get books banned, which was something Adolph Hitler did, and while the lord may have loved Adolph Hitler because I guess that’s the lord’s thing (love the sinner, hate the sin), you can see how this could be a hot button issue for the lord, because burning books is in oh so many instances the first of many steps towards the formation of a totalitarian regime that singled out the “have nots,” and, well, you know what happens then…

Don’t be a dick and make sure everyone gets fed.

Support your local library.

Trans people really just want to live their lives without having to answer the questions no polite (or even borderline rude person) would ever ask someone else. Yes, they pee and poop, too, the end, infinity.

Have a great day.

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It’s My Christianity, and You Can’t Have Any

So, this football player, Demar Hamilton, got really banged up during a game and had to be taken off the field in an ambulance, and people were praying that he would be okay, because he coded, like, seventeen times (that’s not true, but it was a grave situation), and although Demar ended up being okay, and was gracious in his recovery in thanking all the right people (but unfortunately, wore a jacket to the Super Bowl a few weeks later that stirred up controversy, although I can’t recall why), and although the whole incident brought much-deserved attention to the often-overlooked heroism of EMT workers, you just KNEW some Bible-thumper was going to have to get her pussy all wet over something.

In this case, it was Laura Baker-Cain Wright, who posted a photograph of Tim Tebow, formerly of college football and well-know for praying a lot. I don’t really know anything else about him except that he prays a lot and didn’t do much in the NFL except pray.  As for what he’s doing now (except for, presumably, praying), who knows.  Anyway, Ms. Baker-Cain, who is more saved and loved by God than you, said this:

Now that Demar Hamlin is breathing on his own and talking to his family and doctors, I’m going to finally say what’s been on my mind….

ESPN, NFL and the Sportswriters owe Tim Tebow an apology.  Don’t shun and mock Tebow for kneeling to pray, and then find yourself or one of your own in a crisis and it suddenly become acceptable.  Suddenly God and prayer is allowed in your arena? 

Rev 3:16 “So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue [?] thee out of my mouth.”

Be for Him or against Him.  You can’t pick and choose when you want God in your life.  I appreciate Tim Tebow for always being a Christian man and leading with love and Christ in the forefront of everything he does.  I am thankful Hamlin is alive and maybe this scary situation led others to find prayer and Christ.  Accept faith and prayer and don’t ridicule those who do it.

Well, I have to say, Laura Baker-Cain, your post is among the stupidest, and most mean-spirited things I have ever read.

First, I’m not familiar with the comments ESPN, the NFL, or the unnamed “Sportswriters” made about Tim Tebow praying before, during or after a game (although I am very well-acquainted with what was said about NFL players who took a knee to protest institutionalized racism – are they owed an apology?) As I recall, if anyone had a problem with Tebow, it was that he wasn’t a very good player – at least, not good enough for the NFL.

More to the point, this post seems to drag out that old Fox News trope that there is some kind of war on Christianity in this country, but let’s face it: When 64% of the population of the US identify as practicing Christians, when every president of our country has been a Christian, and when 88% of the new Congress is Christian, when 92% of the Supreme Court Justices since its inception have been Christian; well, it’s hard to say you live in a country where the people who make the rules have a problem with Christianity.

I also have to ask if the point of this post is to argue that if you aren’t a devout Christian, you don’t get to share in any expression of gratitude that Demar Hamlin isn’t dead, or any offering of hope – religious or not – that he continues to get better? Is it now the rule that if your aren’t a church-going Christian, you don’t get to care about what happens when an NFL player gets hurt on the field? That’s messed up.

I am not a perfect person, and I am not a religious person, and I get pretty tired of people who aren’t Jesus telling me what he does and does not approve of.

For one, it’s pretty presumptuous for those people to assume I care. For another, if I want to know what Jesus wants me to, I’ll pick up the Gospel and read it for myself. You know. Like an educated person.

And since I’ve read it before, I can tell you one thing it DOESN’T say, which is, “If thou hast mocked Tim Tebow for his prayer (assuming for the moment that Tim Tebow prayeth not like a Pharisee but with a servant’s humility), then thou shouldst not then pray for Demar Hamlin lest ye contract a nasty genital rash.”

This post is further idiotic in that the only person to whom it could ever appropriately apply would be Demar Hamlin himself, IF he had mocked Tim Tebow, and IF he then appeared on television yesterday to pray for himself – which he didn’t. Also, that would be HARSH, dude.

Also, I doubt there is anyone out there aside from Hamlin’s family who considered his cardiac arrest and hospitalization a personal crisis (unless it’s a gambling addict that bet his mortgage on the game), so, once again, to whom is this post even directed?

Oh, right. People like me. People who don’t go to church. People who don’t pray and fall into line like good church-going Christians. People who lack the certitude of their rightness – about Jesus, about God, about sin, and about who is most definitely going straight to hell, with no bathroom breaks.

In addition to pointing out that this is most certainly NOT the first time prayer has been allowed in an NFL arena, I’d like to ask that the woman who wrote this post show the same respect for people who aren’t religious as she reserves for those who are. I have no complaint with those who wish to worship – but I don’t want to be forced to do it with you, or else be condemned as “bad” because I don’t.

Finally, a true Christian who rejoices in the love of God and all mankind and should delight in ANY opportunity to reach new souls. This woman should be thrilled out of her mind at the idea that prayer of any kind – even a moment of silence – is being televised!

But is she? NO! And damn you if you come to Jesus in a CRISIS – which is exactly the time many people do. According to Ms. Baker-Cain, Jesus doesn’t want you then! He only wants you if you’ve been coming to church every week, not just on Christmas and Easter, and god help you if you don’t use your envelopes! Jesus only wants the non-sinners, and don’t you forget it when you are on your knees with nothing left to hold on to, sitting in the hotel room holding Gideon’s Bible and a gun and trying to decide which one you’re going to put into your brain. That’s Jesus for you.

Instead of clutching Jesus and God to her chest like a bag of candy no one else gets to have (because they’re not worthy!) the writer should be rejoicing at the chance for millions of Americans to experience the potential to feel God’s great healing presence and love for his people, as manifested in the goodwill demonstrated by so many that expressed their concern for Demar yesterday. That concern was truly the best of us – call it Christ, or karma, or whatever – in action.

Anytime someone uses religion as a way to keep people out, one has to ask oneself – is this what my spiritual higher power teaches me?

I don’t believe Jesus asks us to exclude people because of their past deeds. I mean, Mary Magdalene already.

Laura Baker-Cain Wright, may you be filled with the joy of Jesus’ love for his people, and moved to tears with gratitude for the life He has given you. Go out and be nice to people. Buy someone a coffee. Be kind. Life is hard enough.

Peace.

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What Privilege Really Looks Like

In November 2015, Annabella Rockwell, Mount Holyoke College Class of 2015 was interviewed by Tucker Carlson to discuss her “brainwashing” at my alma mater, and how before she entered those hallowed halls, she had never experienced misogyny, sexism, or any “isms”. Ms. Rockwell also talked about how her very wealthy mother hired “cult specialists” as well as Ms. Rockwell’s former tennis coach to deprogram her after she graduated and began a life as a campaign staffer for liberal dem candidates. Now a social events coordinator for Prager University, a Christan Values organization, Ms. Rockwell chastised pretty much everything she says Mount Holyoke stands for,

Here’s my response.

I, and two of my daughters attended Mount Holyoke, and I know many other women who attended women’s colleges. None of us are alcoholic man-haters, none of us have ever had to be deprogrammed, all of us have good, well-paying jobs (except for my daughter who is in graduate school and plans to attend medical school), and none of us have ever chopped our hair off in order to make a statement about men. Most of us do not hail from wealthy families (although some of us have earned our own wealth), all of us who have kids have strong, healthy relationships with them, although they don’t always agree with us, know more about computers than we do, and think we are dinosaurs because at one time we did not have smartphones.

My experience, and that of my daughters, was that Mount Holyoke, like most colleges, was a place where freedom of speech was the norm. Yes, it is a liberal environment where great thought is put into making sure all are treated with respect – a fact I do not consider a negative. We live in a global community where a person’s culture may inform their acts and perspective. Is it too much to ask us to consider how a person may be different in ways that might impact how they communicate, what they eat, or what is sacred to them, knowing that the same respect will be shown to us? It seems to me that having an understanding of these things can go a long way towards creating understanding and avoiding conflict.

Liberal arts colleges always have been bastions of high-minded ideals that rarely make it onto Main Street – reality and practicality quickly set in for most young people once they have to pay taxes and live on a budget. Perhaps the greatest gift of a liberal arts education – aside from creating formidable bar trivia competitors – is that, at its best, it encourages its graduates to approach life in general with a broader perspective and an open mind. With most “real world” issues that arise at work or in family life, we do not have the luxury of lengthy philosophical debates that creep into the wee hours of the morning, during which we can flex our academic muscles and cite liberally from our most recent deep dives into de Tocqueville, Schopenhauer, or Adam Smith, but at the very least, we have HAD these discussions, or something like them, and we have internalized the critical thinking that such brain-fests, along with rigorous classroom debate, has instilled in us.

For all her newfound awareness of the evils of a school like Mount Holyoke, I suspect the real turning point for Ms. Rockwell was not so much a “come to Jesus” moment or a heartfelt belief that she had been brainwashed at Mount Holyoke; rather, I suspect that at some point, her family cut off all financial support, and Ms. Rockwell determined (as so many children of wealth have before her) that her principles were less important that her fondness for nice things. The Fox article accompanying the video clip of the interview mentions that Ms. Rockwell worked on the 2016 Hilary for President Campaign and that if she had not seen the error of her ways, she would probably be working for another liberal democrat and spending time with people she had “nothing in common with except drinking.” It isn’t difficult to imagine that most people working for Democratic candidates for office probably don’t come from the sort of privilege that begat Ms. Rockwell, or that their respective upbringings, family values, and bedrock principles were likely quite different.

That Ms. Rockwell’s decision to return to kith and kin was not so much the result of an “aha” moment as the desire to protect her inheritance – not to mention the heavy hand of a mother prone to throwing lead-crystal vases when confronted with the newfangled ideas of a daughter whose conscience had been awakened at college – is readily apparent in photographs that pop up on a Google search of her name, which show Ms. Rockwell attending posh New York and Palm Beach society events with other Rockwell analogs of East Coast heiress privilege – tanned, leggy blondes with blindingly white smiles and clad in figure-hugging mini-dresses. She claims that it was only after sobering up that she realized that she had been brainwashed by Mount Holyoke’s “all men are pigs, all Whites are racists, and all women are victims” dogma.

During her interview with Tucker Carlson, who resembles nothing so much as a brown-sugar-basted ham, so fatuous in his delight at taking down a school like Mount Holyoke (he also mentions Duke University in the introduction to his piece), some of the holes in Ms. Rockwell’s story were evident: Her examples of “indoctrination”?

At Mount Holyoke, first-year students are called “firsties” instead of “freshmen,” because they are women, and students are asked to identify their pronouns – something most people in business have been doing for a few years now. She also explained how in classes, women are challenged to consider how, throughout history, White men have controlled virtually every aspect of life (government, business, theology, medicine, law, etc.), and how this has impacted women and minorities. Ms. Rockwell then responded that she had never experienced either sexism or racism (thus implicitly suggesting that these evils must not actually exist), and that she was forced to reconsider the lies she was taught at Mount Holyoke during protests during the summer of 2020 following the death of George Floyd, when she saw people of color damaging and looting local businesses because this, she felt, was not how an oppressed person should act.

Spoken like a rich White girl.

Finally, Ms. Rockwell relates that she was counseled by professors to detach from her parents and to spend holidays with them during school breaks, rather than going home to her family. While I know many Mount Holyoke professors who opened their homes to students who were unable to leave campus during academic recess, none of the students I have talked to, and neither of my daughters or their friends have ever heard of a professor actively advocating that a student break from their parents. Most of the professors I knew were so busy teaching, grading, conducting office hours, doing their own research, attending conferences, and overseeing independent study (not to mention taking care of their own families and trying to carve out a private life of their own) to engage in such nonsense, and all of them understood how outrageously inappropriate such behavior would have been.

Tucker, giddy with the joy of a White fraternity boy at his first gang rape, could not contain his glee as he talked about the excesses of New England Liberal Arts Colleges (you know – like the one HE went to – Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut) that teach students to hate their parents and fill their heads with nonsense (unless you’re an heir to the Swanson frozen food fortune and your parents had the good sense to raise you Republican and send you to an exclusive Episcopalian boarding school).

Tucker, that paragon of good sense, the man who stands on the pinnacle of the moral high ground, warned all parents to be sure not to fall for this trap! After all, poor Ms. Rockwell’s parents had to hire both a deprogrammer, at $300/day, AND her former tennis coach, to force her to atone for her sins and admit she was wrong, wrong, WRONG for all the things she had thought and and to re-teach her how to think the RIGHT THINGS. That doesn’t sound at all like indoctrination or brainwashing to me.

Ms. Rockwell now works for Prager U, a Christian organization the peddles videos that teach kids to “man up,” not be such woke sissies, and to ignore the culture of victimhood because Black people got three square meals a day, guaranteed lifetime employment, and free housing. She’s an events coordinator and spends a lot of time posting on Insta, looking great in white jeans and high-heeled sandals and in shots with her mother, the formidable Melinda Rockwell, to whom Ms. Rockwell once attempted to explain the concept of “oppression,” only to be shouted down by a mother who admits that she refused to even listen to her daughter’s new ideas and opinions. Sounds like the Rockwell home was the kind of place where one felt free to express one’s thoughts and opinions, without fear of reproach (or being hit with a lead-crystal vase).

Ms. Rockwell believes she was badly done by Mount Holyoke, and that’s a shame, because most Mount Holyoke alumnae are overwhelmingly loyal to their alma mater and consider their time there to be among the most valuable of their lives. Perhaps their parents were less threatened by any new perspectives they brought home from college with them – my conservative Army colonel father could have not disagreed more with my bleeding heart liberal views formed and nurtured at Mount Holyoke, but it was in fact he who encouraged me to go there in the first place, even though he knew precisely what he was in for. He knew Mount Holyoke would challenge me, and teach me how to think. We argued loud and long over Iran-Contra and Ronald Reagan and trickle-down economics and Margaret Thatcher, and we NEVER ONCE agreed – but he respected that I had become a critical thinker who had learned to make a strong, coherent argument (even if, in his opinion, I was wrong).

Teaching women to be rigorous, independent thinkers and to pursue excellence in all aspects of their lives, has always been the primary goal of Mount Holyoke and other women’s colleges, which were founded because there were no institutions of higher learning for women. What Tucker Carlson, and men of his ilk, don’t tell women like Ms. Rockwell, is that if they had their way, colleges like Mount Holyoke would never have been founded, and wouldn’t exist. They pay lip service to inclusivity and will applaud the achievements of women – as long as those women stay in their lane, don’t strive for too much power or control, and for God’s sake, retain their femininity (in other words – stay fuckable).

Women should be allowed to work outside the home – as long as they know their place, and that place is in support of men, or at home raising their children. When women do venture into the workplace, that’s okay, as long as they know that they are also there to satisfy whatever sexual whims they may stir in the loins of the men with whom they work. You certainly can’t ask men like Roger Ailes to be surrounded by the hotness of Kimberly Guilfoyle and not need a blow job from an admin once in a while. As long as the women understand that, then they can stay.

Liberal arts colleges scare people like Tucker Carlson and Fox Nation, because they produce graduates who tend to speak up when they see racism, sexism, or oppression of any kind – you know, the way Ms. Rockwell did until her inheritance looked like it was in jeopardy. They don’t vote for misogynists or bigots or xenophobes. They think people who send asylum seekers to Martha’s Vineyard, with no notice to anyone on that tiny island that they are coming, are dog-shit eating pus-fucks.

Graduates of liberal arts colleges may be artsy and pretentious, but they also know how to spell and use grammar, and they often have credentials and economic power that enable them greater opportunities to fight oppression in the workplace, demand equality, and use their voice (and income) to support initiatives aimed at protecting the weakest among us. Translation: Liberal arts college graduates are a threat to racism, sexism, anti-Semitism, anti-LGBTQism…any –ism that threatens a minority because it isn’t White, male, straight, and Christian.

Places like Mount Holyoke are even more of a threat, because there is nothing that scares a straight White Christian man like Tucker Carlson more than a lesbian – and not the ones in a porn flick. Nothing shrivels up a chubby faster than someone like Rachel Maddow – because guys like Tucker know that someone like Rachel Maddow can smell his bullshit wrapped 15 layers of 5” foam, stuffed in a cargo hold, on board a freighter, 1,500 miles out at sea. Someone like Rachel Maddow knows that Tucker Carlson has three “hilarious stories,” all of which involve his fraternity brothers and large quantities of alcohol, which he has refined over the years, and she isn’t going to giggle along with him and encourage him in his certitude that she – like all women – want to sleep with him. Women like Ms. Rockwell giggle. Mount Holyoke graduates who haven’t renounced their education, don’t.

Melinda Rockwell, and Tucker Carlson, have gotten Ms. Rockwell to reject all she learned at Mount Holyoke (where, like my daughter Caitlin, she played on the women’s ice hockey team), and one imagines that her life, at least for the next twenty years, will be one long parade of charity luncheons, society balls, and museum fundraisers. She will be photographed in beautiful dresses, designer gowns, fabulous jewelry, clutching Hermes handbags; standing on the steps of the Met, or on the ski slopes of Gstaad, or in Milan or Paris or really, anywhere exotic enough to warrant her presence. She may never again think about the things she learned in college and, careful not to repeat the mistakes of her mother, will insist that her own progeny attend Liberty University or Ave Maria University of Rich White Republican University (No POC Need Apply). There’s a Mount Holyoke education inside Ms. Rockwell, however, and I’m hoping it will come out someday. Just you wait, Tucker, and see what happens if it does.

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Us v. Them

Perhaps it’s the rainy weather, or the inevitable march towards Winter (my least favorite season), but I have been feeling of late quite discouraged about the future.

I firmly believe the Trump Presidency – and the pandemic – has created a nation divided as irrevocably as it was prior to the Civil War. The issues that separate us are not as neatly confined to “states’ rights versus federal governmental control,” or ”slavery versus abolition,” although these refrains underpin many of the issues that continue to be the source of conflict.

One factor, of course, is social media. It’s allowed all of us to become far more strident, and far less civil, in virtually every aspect of our life, than most of us would ever be if we were actually forced to speak those words in public, to the faces of the people to whom they were intended. Many of us, myself included, have said things that have ended relationships (not always a bad thing, but probably not something that should be done digitally). It has made it easier for us to become “us” and to cast those who don’t agree with us as “them.”

And a lot of “them” have given “us” plenty of reason to demonize “them.” They take absurd, stringent, cruel positions, in some cases, seemingly for the sole purpose of “owning the libs.” Every position is an absolute – there is no grey area, ever.

There appears, as well, to be an utter dearth of compassion from a group that counts among its members an overwhelming number who self-identify as “Christian,” whatever that means anymore; based upon the words and actions of so many, however, it would seem that this moniker includes supporting a man who has repeatedly cheated on his wife, his creditors, his own charitable foundation, and countless others.

It means a 10 year old girl should be forced to carry and give birth to the child conceived as the result of a horrible rape. It means referring to all Muslims as terrorists, all in the LGBTQ community as pedophiles, all those who seek to emigrate to the US through the Southern Border as criminals, all feminists as shrill, and vehemently deny that people of color (particularly Black people) continue to be subject to systemic racism, going so far as to erase any mention of the word “slavery” from school textbooks, and trying to whitewash to wholesale subjugation and enslavement of a race of people for 300 years by reframing it as “forced relocation.”

In the last 6 years, it’s become okay to be a bigot. There’s no shame in it anymore. It’s also okay not to care about those who are struggling – those who are economically disadvantaged, those who have no access to health care, or good schools, or social services, or reasonably-priced day care, or viable public transportation, or food security, or affordable housing…it’s okay to just not give a crap about anyone other than Number 1 anymore. It’s now perfectly acceptable to say, as Craig T. Nelson – irony free – once did, “ when I was on food stamps, no one helped me!”

It’s okay to reject science in favor of “Something I Read” on the Internet. Sure, we trust science when it comes to getting in a big shiny tube that hurtles through the air at 500 mph, sometimes over the ocean, even though most people (myself included) do not understand the concept of lift or Bernoulli’s equation.

The same people who are the first to demand antibiotics for a virus, undergo experimental cancer treatment, or allow a doctor to stick a needle into their spine during childbirth just so it doesn’t hurt (an epidural can, in rare instances, cause permanent paralysis) will refuse the COVID vaccine because someone told them their daughter was at a slumber party where the mom had gotten “the jab,” and ALL THE GIRLS’ PERIODS GOT MESSED UP!

This is the kind of thinking that now seems to represent the GOP. That is not to say that all people who identify as Republican think this way – because I don’t think they actually do. Most Republicans I know are fiscal conservatives who would like to see less governmental involvement in most matters, and are appalled by much of what has been going on in their party of late. The problem is, the last president their party elected seems to wield enormous power over certain key demographics which many GOP leaders believe they need to win over in order to be elected and re-elected, so they WILL NOT call him out on anything. He could, as he has said, shoot someone on Fifth Avenue in broad daylight, and still, they would support him. Turns out if Trump was right about anything, it was that.

And he told them – he told them how stupid and gullible and easily led they were. He told them he could manipulate them into doing his bidding, no matter how heinous. They proved him right.

I believe there are many people who voted for That Man because they identify as Republican, or they hated Hillary (and doubled down in 2020), or are single-issue (anti-abortion) voters, or they are “MAGA-Lite,” meaning they think Trump may be sort of repulsive and goes too far, but perhaps they wouldn’t mind if things were a little bit more like they were in the 1950’s (they don’t mean any harm, of course, and they know lots of nice Black people…you know…the ones who don’t wear dreds and don’t get all angry and riled up and speak like White people do, not all Ghetto and everything…) because they don’t stop to think about what the 1950’s were like for people who weren’t straight, White, and Christian.

Someone I love very much gets VERY uncomfortable if anyone even says the name of our last president (or our current president, for that matter), because they worry it will lead to a discussion on politics. Everyone who knows this person is aware that they “don’t like to talk about politics,” and and we love this person enough that no one ever does talk about politics in their company. I can’t help but think, however, (1) how nice it must be for you to lead such a privileged and sheltered life that you don’t ever have to worry about the ramifications of your vote; and (2) people like you are exactly the reason Adolph Hitler was able to rise to power in the first place.

I firmly believe the United States, in 2022, is the equivalent of pre-World War II Nazi Germany, not because I think there is going to be a genocide (although it certainly seems a distinct possibility). I think we are on the brink of electing, in 2024 or 2028, a Ron DeSantis, or someone of his ilk who, with a 6-3 super majority on the Supreme Court and an eventual Red Congress, is going to turn our country into a cross between Gilead, the antebellum South, and, okay, Germany in the 1930’s.

It’s not because half the country hates Muslims and foreigners and are evangelical Christians (or orthodox Catholics like Sam Alito who isn’t going to stop until the entire nation is attending Sunday mass and knows the Stations of the Cross by heart).

It’s not because half the country is made up of the morons you see on the Daily Show attending Trump rallies being interviewed by Jordan Klepper, entirely unaware of how truly warthog-level stupid they are.

It’s not because half the country believes Donald Trump is a humble, god-fearing, church-going Christian who believes in the sanctity of life, respects women, and cares deeply about doing what is best for the country, regardless of how it impacts him personally.

No.

It’s because too many people in this country – GOP and Dem – are naive, smug, and have become complacent.

They assume that nothing like Nazi Germany could ever happen in this country because nothing like that ever has.

Our country is better than that! they might say. But we aren’t anymore. Not by a long shot.

Our country has too many checks and balances – we don’t elect dictators! they might say. But when a president holds the legislature in a grip of fear, and has seated a Supreme Court that perfectly reflects his agenda, what checks and balances are left?

The grownups in the room would never let that happen! they might say.

Folks, there aren’t any grownups left. This is it. This is what we are now.

Is it too late?

Yeah, it probably is. Every time there’s a health issue like COVID, from now on, it’s going to be political, and rather than working together – people versus disease – it’s going to be morons versus science.

Every time there’s an issue where the “Christian” camp thinks there’s a moral component, they’ll weaponize their mindless flock to vote for wolves in sheep’s clothing so they can try make everyone follow the rules they’ve set for themselves, because they know better.

And if you don’t think they’re coming for you, your freedoms, your rights, your faith, your strongly held beliefs, think again. There are a lot of people who are willing to overlook many things as long as their pocketbooks are full.

It can happen again. It will happen again. Because no one is speaking up.

“First they came for the Communists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Communist

Then they came for the Socialists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a trade unionist

Then they came for the Jews

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Jew

Then they came for me

And there was no one left

To speak out for me”

Pastor Martin Niemoller

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Pay Your Bills, Part II

Recently, President Joe Biden and Congress enacted legislation forgiving $10,000 of student loans for certain individuals under certain circumstances.  I’ve paid off all my loans (and wouldn’t qualify anyway, for myriad reasons), but I do have two kids who have grad school loans and who may benefit from this new law.  As usual, there’s been a lot of self-righteous indignation by Republicans (all of whom claim to have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, paid their own way, having been born in a log cabin they themselves built).  They cry, “this only benefits the rich who take out loans!” (maybe – but not at interest rates that would make doing so advantageous).  The yell, “why should Joe Sixpack be paying off the loans of some loser who majored in Lesbian Dance Theory, who can’t get a job and is living in their parents’ basement?” (even though there are a lot of unemployed kids living in their parents’ basements, some of whom have college degrees and some who don’t).  They yell, “people should pay off their loans, no matter what!” (even though every other kind of debt a person can incur in the US but student loans can be discharged in bankruptcy).

This first argument – that the rich are taking out student loans – is a fallacy that may have had some truth back in the 1980’s, when students could take out nearly limitless amounts of low-interest government loans (as could their parents), making it attractive for the wealthy to apply for such loans at 5% and invest them in financial vehicles making three times that.  These days, there’s a limit to how much students and parents can borrow, and the interest rates aren’t nearly as favorable.  The grad school loans my daughter took out this year are somewhere around 7% (far higher the the current WSJ prime rate).  Not much incentive to take out that kind of debt in the hopes of making a profit in this economy.

Also interesting is the fallacy that people taking out student loans exclusively major in obscure, “worthless” fields, all of which fall within the umbrella of women’s studies (because what value could there possibly be in such work?) and literature (less obviously a waste of time, but still, of no real use in today’s world).

This assumption – which allows naysayers of any discipline not included in the 1963 Penn State Course Catalogue to create ever more silly fields of study they imagine might be offered at those ivy-covered walls of academia where they assume all of those student loan dollars are going – does not withstand the reality that the most popular majors for graduating seniors over the last five years have been business, health professions, social sciences /humanities, engineering, and biology. While the second most popular major (social sciences/humanities) would encompass the ridiculous made up majors that these loan-takers are apparently all studying, most of their peers are obtaining degrees in areas I think we can all agree would have meaningful applications in today’s world.

I don’t think it much matters what people major in, and it is inaccurate to suggest that one’s undergraduate major is determinative of whether or not they will be a productive member of society able to obtain a job with sufficient income to repay their student loans. The larger and more important questions are (1) whether or not everyone needs to or should go to college in the first place, and (2) whether or not college tuition is overpriced – it is.

One can debate whether student loan debt should be repaid by taxpayers. My opinion? Not if the money could have been used to fund universal preschool, after school programs, hot breakfast/lunch programs, after school programs, college counseling programs in underserved school districts, or any other program that would have benefitted the most needy communities’ children in getting a better head start. Will a $10k break make much of a difference for a med school graduate with $300k in loans? Nope. That’s 4 months of loan payments. Drop in the bucket.

Higher education needs to cost less, period. Predatory “for profit” schools (one big reason for high loan balances) need to be better regulated. Kids need to be directed to community college or trade schools instead of college unless they really want or need a four year degree.

But there is a way to avoid taking on too much debt in the first place.  Many schools offer work study and aid, and there are literally thousands of scholarships that go unawarded year after year because no one applies for them. For the neediest students, most schools offer a “sliding scale” based upon the “expected contribution,” which is based upon the family’s economic picture.  Thus, a student accepted to a school that costs $70,000 may only be expected to contribute a fraction of that ($20,000, say, that can be financed by work study, scholarships, and loans).

Students should also consider public universities, which are a much better bargain that private colleges.  Many brilliant young men and women have eschewed the Ivies and places like Stanford or Duke because a public university offered a full ride – and I’m not so sure that the quality of education is any different.  Unless you’ve got your heart set on the Supreme Court (and these days, who would want to be in that club?), it doesn’t matter where you go to college – it matters what you do once you get there.

Life isn’t fair. It would be nice if we were all rich and could have whatever we wanted whenever we wanted it. When our kids were little, everyone we knew had bigger houses and went to Disney ever year. We didn’t. Someone told me I must have a lot of debt because I lived in such a modest house – the same house I still live in. We weren’t poor, we just had different priorities (and $125k in student loans that we paid back). We wanted to be able to pay for our kids to go to college. When they went to college, we were. That was our gift to them. Graduate school is on them.

There has to be a point where you man up and pay your way. The system isn’t, and never has been fair, and the cost of tuition is way out of proportion with other big-ticket items. The result isn’t going to be fewer college graduates, but fewer colleges, as those colleges that really aren’t very special and aren’t offering a quality product for a good price fall by the wayside. And, public universities are always a strong bet.

But if you do take on that debt, it is YOUR debt – and no one else’s, and the only person who should be paying it off is YOU, and here’s why:  The reason most people go to college (or grad school) is because they hope, at least in part, to earn more than they would if they only had a high school diploma, and in most cases, they do – 84% more, in fact, according to recent data.  The cost to earn that college degree, the cost to have an 84% greater earning potential – is an investment in oneself, and I can think of no good reason why, as a general principle, the citizenry as a whole should underwrite the cost of that investment.  It’s true that higher earnings mean higher income taxes, and thus more money flowing back into the public coffers for the benefit of all (hence, the cost of loan forgiveness ultimately inures to the benefit of those who funded loan forgiveness).  It’s also true that taxes are used every day to fund some college tuition for some students – usually those who are economically needy.

But those who take out student loans responsibly – and who are also responsible with their finances in general – will eventually find a way to pay them back, even if it takes time, and even if the interest that accrues on those loans ends up costing as much (if not more) that the principle. The problem is that in today’s society, we have been trained to believe that we deserve to have everything we want – whether we can afford it or not – NOW.  We spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need, or take out other loans for the things we think we’ve “earned” – a new home, a new car – because we have a DEGREE! We’ve made it! We DESERVE to have nice things, and we’re making more money than we ever did before.  Getting a college degree is hard work! We ought to be able to have some nice things! Isn’t that the point of it all?

Maybe, but not if it means begrudging a student loan payment, much in the same way we resent having to pay for a new water heater – and absolute necessity unless you really love cold showers, but not nearly as much fun as buying a new sofa. 

You may be saying to me, Wendy, have you not read about all the college graduates who can’t find jobs in their chosen fields, or who can find jobs, but can’t find affordable housing and pay off their student loans? Yes, reader, I have.  What I have also read is that many of those people are looking for jobs in fields that are already overcrowded, or that they are looking for jobs in areas where housing is notoriously expensive.

And once again, we come back to the idea of sacrifice, which means that sometimes you have to take a job you don’t want in order to pay your rent, or you have to compromise about where you’re going to live in order to work in the field of your dreams.  It’s unusual for all but the all-stars to graduate with the perfect job in the perfect city or town with the perfect paycheck – that’s what your twenties are all about:  Living in a crappy apartment eating ramen noodles, working in a job you hate, shopping at H&M, and figuring out what to do with the rest of your life.

Student loans are the ticket to a better life, and it is fitting that the cost of this ticket be paid by the person taking the journey.

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Some Thoughts on the New King

I’ve been wanting to post on this for a long time – 25 years to be exact. I got busy having kids and working and then I got involved in scrapbooking and sewing and gardening, and then I had a grandchild, but this afternoon I found myself with a few extra minutes, and what with the Queen’s Royal Jubilee in the can, it seemed like a good idea to say what’s been on my mind for years:

Prince Charles and Camilla Parker-Bowles are dicks.

That’s right. 100%, USDA Certified dicks. SCOTUS voted 8-1 (Thomas was the lone dissenting Justice) that they’re dicks. It’s the one thing that I and Vladimir Putin agree on – I called him this morning, and he said, and I quote, “Charles and Camilla DICK.”

Whether or not you liked Diana, they were dicks, and now I’m going to tell you why.

Charles and Camilla fell in love well before Charles ever met Diana. After a lengthy courtship, Charles asked Camilla to marry him, but she said no because she did not want to live a royal life. (Remember this part because it’s important – HE ASKED HER TO MARRY HIM AND SHE SAID NO).

Then she married someone else, and he (Charles) was heartbroken. Before the ink was even dry on her wedding certificate, however, she (Camilla) and Charles resumed their shenanigans – either beknownst or unbeknownst to her unlucky hubby. I guess if you’re the Prince of Wales, you can do that without worry of offending the Church of England, and in fact, he was encouraged by male relatives to sow his wild oats however he liked, before, during, and after his marriage. After all, what’s the point of being the King if sport fucking is off the table?

The affair continued. The pressure on Charles to find an appropriate wife, however, escalated – Queen Elizabeth II was anxious for her party boy son to settle down – but not just any girl would do. She must be pretty, demure, obedient, of sufficient peerage, and, of course, a virgin. By the 1980’s, however, there weren’t a lot of women over the age of 20 that Charles hadn’t already dated who fit that profile, so he had to start trolling teenagers, and, at the age of 32, he found one Diana Spencer, 13 years his junior, and his 7th cousin once removed on the Spencer side of the family (and 16th cousin once removed on the Tudor side of the family).

After a whirlwind courtship (six months) during which they likely spent very little time actually getting to know each other, and where most of the decision-making about the future of their relationship was being done by other people, they announced their engagement. When asked if they were in love, Charles, that crazy guy, gave the answer every girl longs to hear: “Whatever that means.”

Diana then spent the next several months living in Clarence House with the Queen Mother where, it was charmingly related, the older, beloved Elizabeth had taken the dewy-eyed young thing under her wing to teach her the ways of all things royal. Later, Diana would describe these days as lonely and isolating, as she was cut off from family and friends, including the fiancé with whom she was starry-eyed infatuated. And remember…this is a young girl who never went to university, who up until this time lived in a flat with three girlfriends, taught at a nursery school, and babysat and cleaned for her older sister (the only real maternal figure she had had since her mother left the family when she was very young).

Think about what you were like when you were 19.

Think about how much you had in common with an 80-something year old woman who, it turns out – for all her warm, glowing smiles on the balcony of Buckingham Palace and the adoration of a nation who remembered her, ever steadfast, at the side of George VI during the horror of WWII – was not all that nice to Diana – ever.

And then there was the tragic, tacit, truth that Charles had not picked Diana because he loved her, or even liked her, and EVERYBODY KNEW IT, BUT NOBODY FUCKING TOLD DIANA.

No, she actually thought he loved her, and that it was a fairy tale come to life, and she was so young and sheltered and crazy in the love with this big-eared jackass that no one had the heart to burst her bubble, and maybe there was even a collective hope that he would come to see what was obvious to everyone who wasn’t a foppish, inbred, cosseted pantywaist: That Diana might actually have the potential to be a very good queen indeed, that she might prove to be smart, with good instincts, and even a good help-mate, if only given a chance.

No one really ever gave her a chance, and for all the lessons in how to properly curtesy and pour tea, there was little emotional support in the days leading up to the wedding. And what is a 19 year old who is about to take part in the wedding of the century supposed to do when she starts to have doubts? When the entire WORLD is talking about your wedding and selling tea towels and egg cups and souvenir buttons and glasses and mugs and china plates and pretty much anything that can be embossed with your image, and you’ve ordered a dress with a train that’s 20’ long…it’s sort of hard to call it all off.

Especially when you’re 19, and the only person you have to bounce stuff off of is an 80-something year old woman who remembers having the shit bombed out of London by Nazis for 4 years and barely surviving Hitler, and who probably doesn’t have much patience or sympathy for a 19 year old bride-to-be with the jitters.

This whole time, by the way, Charles and Camilla are still banging away like the ugly-ass horse-faced dicks they were and are.

So, Charles and Diana get married. For a short time, Charles seems to finally appreciate what the people of Britain (heck, the entire WORLD) see in his wife. She lovely! She’s charming! And unlike any other royal in history, she appears to actually care about her subjects…even the ones who aren’t rich, pretty, or titled! She wows everyone with her warmth and style, she produces two boys right quick, and that smile…my, she is dazzling!

But then she becomes too dazzling, and Charles (who, we must remember, has never stopped his studies in animal husbandry with Camilla), gets jealous and mad. People like Diana more than him, which is SO unfair, because HE is descended from GOD and SHE is not, and ALSO, Diana has the audacity to want to be a hands-on parent AND to be involved with charities with which nice people most definitely do not associate – AIDS and mental health, for fuck’s sake. It’s just too, too much. And why no love for Charles, with his interest in organic gardening? That’s a real thing, and no royal has ever done THAT before! Charles sulks and retreats and makes Diana feel unloved. Diana develops an eating disorder. She dances with John Travolta during a visit to the Reagan White House. Charles stands by looking like a frumpy old mop.

Charles and Camilla continue their uber-icky relationship, which can probably best be summed up by a hacked mobile phone conversation in which Charles says he wishes he could be Camilla’s tampon – oh, yes, he did. So, so gross. Not that women menstruate or use tampons…not that part…but you would hope a man with a Cambridge education could manage an expression of libidinal desire that did not involve an aspect of life that most women find, at the very least, an inconvenience.

The affair continued for the entirety of Charles and Diana’s marriage, during which time Camilla – such a dick – referred to Diana as “that ridiculous creature,” apparently willfully ignorant of her role in placing Diana in that position (ridiculous or not) in the first place. One wonders what might have become of Camilla had Charles (1) actually fallen in love with his first wife; or (2) been loyal to her regardless of his feelings for Camilla, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT MARRIAGE IS, YOU WIDE-HIPPED ASSHAT, but here’s the thing: When a man asks you to marry him and you say no, then marry someone else, then continue to sleep with that man, even after he marries someone else, you don’t get to criticize his wife, even if you are a soulless cow without a conscience.

Diana was aware of the affair before she even walked down the aisle. She tried the best a 20 year old could to make the marriage work, but you can’t really make a marriage work when the person you married was in love with someone else before they met you, and never stopped being in love with that person; and also, never loved you, never wanted to marry you, and only DID marry you because his mother made him. That’s a marriage that was never going to work, ever, unless both participants are masochists.  A hundred years ago or more, a wife would have simply sighed, accepted it, and resigned herself to a loveless marriage.

Not Diana. She wasn’t going to tolerate the loveless farce of her marriage, nor the Douche Bag Dick and his girlfriend, Stinky Butthole Dick. It’s true that Diana was not blameless – she used the press to her advantage when it suited her, she didn’t always play fair, she knew exactly how other-worldly popular she was, and that a picture of her doing anything had staggering influence. Her death proved just how true that was.

I was a Diana fan – not because she was pretty or had a great sense of style, but because the royal family – which more and more makes very little sense to me as an institution – plucked her up and tried to bend her to its will at a time when she had no power. Her own husband threw her to the wolves knowing exactly how well she was likely to fare, and treated her with so little respect or compassion, she might well have been one of his servants. Diana placed her children first (to the extent she could), and focused her service on those who were the “least of His people,” insisting that her sons join her in bringing attention to some of the world’s not so pretty places.

It is true she could be frivolous and petty and immature, and that her relationships after Charles were often obsessive and did not exhibit the best judgment. For a person who had led a sheltered, motherless childhood, and who then was thrust into a media spotlight the likes of which perhaps only one or two people in history have ever experienced, with no real guidance from anyone who truly cared about her, perhaps she can be forgiven her missteps.

After her death, Charles and Camilla – those two big dicks – finally married. Apparently, Mr. Parker-Bowles got tired of being the world’s most famous cuckold, and his marriage to Camilla ended. Now, 25 years after Diana’s death, C & C appear together like an old married couple, dandling Diana’s grandchildren on their laps, petting dogs, and looking every bit the well-heeled, silver-haired older couple that may someday be King of England and whatever they will call Camilla.

Maybe they have rehabilitated themselves enough for Britons to accept and love them should Charles ascend to the throne. Maybe Camilla will make a wonderful consort, a sort of Jill Biden-Michelle Obama-like modern king’s wife (the precursor to the kind we know Kate Middleton will surely be).

But in my book, they’re both dicks.

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Harvard Degree Not Required

Not every kid was meant to attend college.

Being “gifted” does not exclusively apply to the intellectually superior.

If you measure a fish’s value by how well it can ride a bicycle, you would probably conclude that it had little worth.

A person who never got an “A” in anything may turn out to be the finest person you ever met.

Three of my kids have college degrees. One does not – she lacks the intellectual capacity. She has a job she loves where she is valued, works very hard, and is treated with great respect by her co-workers for her conscientiousness and the pride she takes in her work. She has accomplished more than we ever imagined for her after we were given a diagnosis we never expected and, for a long time, refused to accept.

My three college girls are great kids – they also work hard and have much to be proud of. We communicate on a completely different level, and our relationships change and grow and deepen. It’s harder with Allie, because her ability to be in relationship is the heart of her disability, but the growth she has demonstrated over 28 years has been staggering to watch. She has developed a level of insight that rivals that of her neurotypical sisters – and that is nothing short of Nobel-prize level work in my book.

Our kids’ academic accomplishments are fun milestones to celebrate, and with all we go through as parents, why not? But Allie has taught me – thank God she has taught me – that the grades and AP exams and college acceptances mean so little compared to raising decent children (although those two things are not mutually exclusive).

When it first occurred to me that Allie would never go to college, I was devastated. Then came the period where I wondered if there might be some other area where she could excel – and she is a gifted rider – but I finally learned that she’s just my Allie – and she’s really pretty magical just the way she is.

Some kids are academic dynamos, or compete on an Olympic level in sports – they are superstars, otherworldly, who win every award and will probably excel at everything their entire lives.

Most kids are not, but they do okay. Then there are kids like Allie, whose gifts are harder to see, and perhaps not as worthy to some. That’s okay – the people who know her understand, and I can always tell if someone is going to be worth my time by how they treat Allie.

I’m so glad she’s mine.

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Pot-Smoking Liberals and Gays Take Aim

So Ohio lawmaker, Candice Keller, has finally figured out why so many people out there are shooting up this country, and it’s a doozy. Since she’s now taken down her Facebook post, here’s what it said. Are you ready? Here we go:

“After every mass shooting, the liberals start the blame game. Why not place the blame where it belongs?

“The breakdown of the traditional American family (thank you, transgender, homosexual marriage, and drag queen advocates); fatherlessness, a subject no one discusses or believes is relevant; the ignoring of violent video games; the relaxing of laws against criminals (open borders); the acceptance of recreational marijuana; failed school policies (hello, parents who defend misbehaving students); disrespect to law enforcement (thank you, Obama), hatred of our veterans (thank you, professional athletes who hate our flag and National Anthem); the Dem Congress, many members whom (sic) are openly anti-Semitic; the culture, which totally ignores the importance of God and the church (until they elect a President); State officeholders, who have no interest whatsoever in learning about our Constitution and the Second Amendment; and snowflakes, who can’t accept a duly-elected President.

“Did I forget anybody? The list is long. And the fury will continue.”

Gosh, that’s a LOT of blame! Basically, only Christian Trump Voters (an oxymoron, I know) are exempt from responsibility.

But maybe Candice has a point. Let’s take this one at a time and see who is really to blame for all this gun violence:

The LGBTQ Community: I’d have to do some research, but I don’t think anyone in this group has ever perpetrated a mass shooting, and certainly not in the name of gay rights, although I have to agree that all of those lesbians and drag queens out there have ruined my marriage. I can barely give my husband a blow job anymore, I’m so upset. We’re about to celebrate 30 years of a very happy marriage, but if it weren’t for all those gays out there, we’d be even happier.

Fatherlessness: By this, I assume Ms. Keller means all those dead-beat dads out there that don’t pay child support for or raise their children. Yeah, that’s a problem. And dead-beat dads suck. So do dead-beat moms, because kids need loving parents, and they deserve to be well taken care of. So can we agree that people that don’t treat children well suck? Yes? Okay. Then Republican lawmakers suck.

Violent Video Games: I actually agree with this one. Score one for Ms. Keller.

Undocumented Immigrants: The reason for everything that’s bad in our country, like having fresh produce available for purchase in our stores pretty much any day of the year; or hotels that are clean and restaurants, period; or a poorly-paid labor market to scrub the toilets and raise the children of the rich. It’s really astonishing how those illegals are shooting up the country, like, just the other day this guy drove 10 hours to El Paso, Texas to kill – oh, wait a minute. Never mind.

Recreational Marijuana: If this were true, everyone in Colorado, Massachusetts, California, or Canada would have killed each other already. I sort of think that if you gave everyone who was thinking of shooting up a McDonald’s a few edibles, they’d probably just eat a box of Oreos and fall asleep. So…

The Educational System: Let me see if I understand: Teachers and administrators are responsible for turning out psychopaths who procure (in some cases, illegally) assault weapons or other firearms. I think this is a very good theory because those educators are so lazy. All they do all day is try to impart knowledge to overcrowded, underfunded classrooms of students, some of whom have no support at home, are living in poverty, and don’t have enough to eat, AND make sure every kid gets really high test scores so they don’t get fired. Goddammit, it’s the teachers!

President Obama: Well, obviously.

Professional Athletes: You know, nothing gripes my cookies like those professional athletes who HATE VETERANS. You know they do, because they say it all the time. They say, “I am taking a knee because I want to call attention to aspects of this country that are unfair to people of color (thanks, Colin Kaepernick!) or people who are gay (thanks, Megan Rapinoe!).” That’s what they say, you know, and then whenever they see veterans, they kick them and shove them and beat the shit out of them and leave them for dead…oh, wait…that was Matthew Shepherd. I’m sorry.

A BRIEF DIGRESSION:

Patriot Fun Fact #1: You can’t be a patriot unless you can only have one idea in your head and cannot tolerate hearing another viewpoint without melting into a puddle of Snowflake Juice.

Patriot Fun Fact #2: People who both love our country AND think that people shouldn’t be treated differently because of the color of their skin are NOT patriots.

LET’S GET BACK TO OUR LIST:

We were talking about who’s fault it is that the only place you can go without getting shot these days is a Pizza Hut, and that’s because the diarrhea starts the moment you walk in. If you go anywhere else, you’re going to get shot by:

The Anti-Semitic Democratic Congress: Although Jews make up 2 percent of the U.S. population, nearly 7 percent, or 36 of 535 members of the current Congress are Jewish. Of those 36, 34 are Democrats. Yeah, it’s the Democrats, all right.

All Those Non-Christians: To the extent that you are implicitly including Donald Trump in this group, yeah, I would have to agree. Apparently, it’s impossible to be non-Christian AND not shoot people. Which is why the First Amendment established Christianity as the national religion.

People Who Have No Interest in Learning About the Second Amendment: Are they better or worse than those people who aren’t interested in learning about the First Amendment? Just asking for a friend.

Snowflakes: You mean all those embittered straight white Christian males (spoiler alert: A lot of them are closeted gays who would feel so much better if they’d just accept who they are and meet a nice guy and settle down in a cozy little bungalow with a chocolate lab and frequent trips to Turks and Caicos)? You know – the ones who are enraged to the point of shooting up concerts and churches and synagogues and Wal-Marts and grocery stores and movie theatre and kindergarten children because they can’t handle that just having a pulse is no longer good enough to guarantee them a life of success, happiness, and the assured domination of anyone who isn’t also a straight white Christian male? Yeah, that’s what I thought you meant…Because that’s the actual definition of every Snowflake I’ve ever met.

People Who Can’t Accept a Duly Elected President: Not to quibble, but I don’t think it’s the “duly elected part,” (which, of course, is problematic, what with the fact that he didn’t actually win the popular vote), I think it’s the “Racist, Misogynistic, Sexually Predatory, Uneducated, Incurious, Undisciplined, Divisive, Thuggish, Unprepared, Narcissistic, Mentally Ill, Morally Bankrupt, Disabled-Mocking, Muslim-Hating, Unprincipled, Lying, Deceitful, Untrustworthy, Laughable, Treasonous Son-of-a-Bitch” that has some people just a tad bit fired up.

Surprisingly, Ms. Keller did not mention the mentally ill – and not, I am sure, because she doesn’t think they are part of the problem, but because, I am certain, she opposes any sort of funding for the identification and treatment of mental illness.

So that’s whose fault it is. Not the (overwhelmingly Republican) lawmakers across the country who refuse to enact even the most modest of gun control laws.

Not the NRA, which pours money into the coffers of said lawmakers in order to make sure that they don’t enact even the most modest of gun control laws.

Not a president who encourages hatred and division in order to divert attention from the fact that he’s a…well, you know what he is. Yeah, you do.

Not those who hate/cannot tolerate the existence of anyone who doesn’t look/worship/think like them and who believe that having lots of guns will protect you from having to face the fact that they’re an asshole. Yeah, they are.

Not even those who actually pull the trigger – even though guns don’t kill people, people kill people, and even though the people who have been pulling the trigger of late are overwhelmingly racist, xenophobic, prejudiced dicks.

ANOTHER BRIEF DIGRESSION:

Dear Snowflakes:

You know how you’re all angry and shit because you were too lazy and entitled to achieve your dreams and goals?

Nobody did that to you. Not the immigrants or the gays or the Muslims or women or people of color.

Love, Wendy

LET’S WRAP THIS THING UP, COULD WE?

To sum up, the people responsible for all these mass shootings are the Democratic Atheistic Immigrant Pot-Smoking Gay Teacher-Athletes.

So now you know.