April 6, 2023

You hurt me.
You HURT me.

I loved you more than anyone.
I did everything for you.
I did whatever you asked.
I always let you have your way.
I put up with everything.

I always bent to your will.
I always let you go first.
I always let you pick first.
If I got to pick first, I never picked the thing I knew you wanted, even I if it was exactly what I wanted.
Even if there were two of something, and you wanted one, I wouldn’t get one, because you always had to be the only one who had something.

You hit me.
All the time, you hit me.
I could just be sitting, reading a book, and you would just come up and hit me.
You beat me.
You were a bully.
You destroyed things of mine that I cared about.

You bossed me relentlessly.
You mocked me and the things that were important to me.
You told other people embarrassing things about me.
You told me I was ugly and dirty.
I believed you. I believed I was dirty and ugly.

You called me the “N” word and made me believe that was a bad thing.
You told me I was an abandoned orphan.
You told me mom and dad were not my real mom and dad.
You told me I wasn’t real member of the family.

The only thing you could never say about me was that I was stupid, so you said I had no common sense.
You said I couldn’t cook.
You said I couldn’t sing.
You said I was lazy.
You said I was uncool.
You said I had no fashion sense.
You said I was a bad driver.

When I went to college, you called me a snob, materialistic, shallow, full of myself.
When I went to law school, you said I thought I was better than everyone else.
When I met got married, you said I didn’t care about my family any more.
When I got pregnant, you said I shouldn’t have children because there were already too many people on the planet and I wasn’t meant to be a mother.
When I had a family, you said I was selfish and only cared about myself.

You stole from me.
You were cruel to my children.
You were evil to my husband.

You defamed me.
You betrayed me.
You tried to ruin my career.
You tried to take away my integrity.
You told people I was a dirty, unsanitary person.

You hurt me.
You hurt me.
You hurt me.

I loved you so much.
I adored you.
I worshipped you.
I would have done anything for you.

When no one else believed you – not our brother, not our mother –
I did.
I believed you.

Our parents abandoned me for a decade
Because I believed YOU.

You abused me.
You tried to destroy me.
You almost killed me
Except you didn’t.
And now you don’t get to have anything.

Not my time
Not my laughter
Not my joy
Not my silliness
Not my children
Not my husband
Not my happiness
Not my warmth
Not my creativity
Not my brain
Not my protection
Not my legal services
Not my financial support
Not my elbow grease
Not my companionship
Not my support
Not my advice
Not my comfort
Not my love
Not my love
Never, ever again, my love.


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