Proud to be an American… Sort Of, Anyway

There are so many American traditions in which we can all participate on Memorial Day…parades, Taps at Arlington, flags on soldiers’ graves….to properly honor our war dead.

We can (responsibly) gather with family and friends for beginning-of-summer festivities after a difficult, quarantined spring to share fellowship, hamburgers and hotdogs, and gluten-free brownies (hey, Brittney O’Connor!) to reconnect with loved ones and remind ourselves that our personal relationships and devotion to family are some of the things that bind us together as a nation.

We can also hang effigies of elected officials (in this case, Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear)…in the presence of very young children… while Lee Greenwood plays in the background…

Because – I guess – he was concerned that people might get sick or die from COVID.

Or because he hates democracy and just wants everyone to be miserable and is trying to destroy the economy so he doesn’t get re-elected, and “Kentucky” continues to be the punchline of pretty much any joke.

What a dick, that Andy Beshear. Why doesn’t someone just shoot him already?

I mean, the most American thing in the world is to lynch people. It’s so American. In an ideal world, when the rest of the world thinks of “America,” ideally, they automatically think, “Lynching!”

Like, if you don’t like someone’s politics, or color, or sexual orientation, just lynch them! Sort of like the Nike slogan, “Just do it!”

“Just Lynch Them!”

So catchy!

I just think that, rather than have any sort of civil discourse or consider whether the edicts of an administration are lawful, just, or compelling, or take a step back to ponder the impact of such directives on public health, I think we should all act independently and call for the public lynching of any person whose politics don’t mesh with mine.

Because that’s what our war dead fought for.

They fought so that whenever an American didn’t like something done by an elected official (that is, the person elected by the MAJORITY of the population), they could urge the assassination of that person.

(Even when those actions conformed to the recommendations of another Governmental agency…)

I am so proud to be an American if being an American means allowing this sort of behavior.

I am proud that my father’s mental health was sacrificed in combat in service to his country so that others could later get away with this kind of nonsense under the aegis of the First Amendment.

I am proud that on Memorial Day, so many Americans died to protect and defend this country, which includes people who think it’s okay to “lynch” public officials.

That’s the best of us. 244 years later, that’s the best of us.

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